the word meter is back up ~ ooo yay

[lookingland]

17,570 / 50,000 (35.1%)

i've mentioned elsewhere that i may give up on NaNo this year. i keep digging deeper into the muck on this one and i dunna like what i'm finding down there. the book has gone all wonky and blah blah blah (and mostly blah). i'm giving it through the rest of the week before i bail. i just keep thinking of all the other things i need to/want to do right now. seems like i should want to write this book (and i do!), but i feel like too much artificial pressure is leaning on its already narrow little windpipe. it's definitely suffering from oxygen deprivation.

i wrote a long thing about the other reasons i think i will give up the NaNo ghost, but deleted it because i didn't want to risk offending any of my NaNoing friends. just because i am jaded and cynical about some things doesn't mean i should crap on it for other people. not all things work for all people. maybe this is the year for me to admit that this doesn't work for me.

that's all.

Comments

[geckobird.livejournal.com]

Maybe something to experiment with when you have time? A new game is always fun, plus it tends to spin the gears in a new way for hopefully a new outlook...

Part of my lack of motivation may be because I am in hiatus for everything in my life right now ~ school, Americorps, editing, and so forth. The only constant is my job at the library. I think how one feels in real life spills over into one's writing life, and right now I am feeling quite crummy about my life and myself in general. I think this just drags me down, and when I try to write, I lack motivation for it's at a point where I wonder if it's worth it? I don't like feeling directionless and I bet that's effecting my writing. Also I've noticed a severe lack of confidence not only in my writing but in myself in general, which of course is a biggie when it comes to doing anything. It's rather frustrating, for writing and music are my main outlets, and I haven't been able to do anything with music, so writing is really the only outlet I have for such things.

It's not like I have no ideas ~ I have plenty floating around my mind and intruding upon whatever I am doing. The problem lies solely in the motivation to transfer those ideas onto paper (or computer document).

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

that's definitely a toughie ~ it's hard to focus on anything when so much else is swirling and looming. for me, at such times, writing becomes a refuge if i allow it to.

but if you attach any pressure to it (like making it "good" or meeting some expectation/deadline, it can become as difficult as any other thing you feel tasked with.

you gotta be happy with what you're doing or there's no point doing it ~ and when you're feeling discouraged and unhappy, that's for sure a motivation killer! i wish i had some brilliant advice. sometimes the best thing you can do is get out of your head for a while and do something entirely different and new ~ even if it just means rearranging the furniture.

sometimes that's all you need to feel refreshed and have a new perspective.

~ !

[utter-scoundrel.livejournal.com]

...and here I was about to give you words of encouragement when you turn around and phrase it better than I could.

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

awww, thanks anyway!

i ain't discouraged, so much, i promise. i just think there may be better ways of spending my time.

: D