this is probably goodbye for a while

[lookingland]

i am not a "blogger" ~ after a year of making a weak attempt at keeping something like a blog, it's just deathly clear to me that i don't find journaling all that interesting and the journaling i do is sucking the marrow out of my creative bones.

i had great notions for the idea of "community" and the way in which the internet can serve to bolster and inspire ~ but my energy and enthusiasm has never been so low.

teilhard's dream of the collective that i imagined possible through online discourse has proven to be an experiment in mostly frustration, annoyance, and a sense that the whole world is so self-absorbed that they can't be bothered to "give" to one another or even engage on a level that would meet the criteria for "social discourse".

okay, that's not true.

but there are certainly days it feels that way. i know that for all i have tried to put out, i don't really feel like i am getting what i need in return to sustain myself. i also know that the hostility, the blind-agression, the total self-centeredness of some people makes my head spin. i find myself retreating to the point of failing to be giving of myself in the very way i hope others would give. that's not a good thing.

i think it's good to try things. i think it's essential, even, to fail. i think when you fail, you pick up the pieces and start with something new.

i'm not deleting this journal but i am thinking of radically revamping my life. i've been laboring under the misguided arrogance that i have something to share that people might appreciate. doesn't mean i'm picking up my marbles and going home. i'm certainly not resentful of the outcome of all of this and everything i have to offer is still there.

you can have all the marbles. i'm just going home.

knock if you want ~ my door is always open.

Comments

Sorry

[annabellissima.livejournal.com]

You may not believe this, but I *AM* very sorry to see you go. You had so much to offer on Pax that it will seem much emptier without you.

I, too, have debated deleting my journal because I have come to care too much about what others think of what I write, whether people comment, etc. As you said, there is this arrogance that we believe we have something to share with others that they will actually care about or find as important as we do (or even just the littlest bit important?).

Please keep in touch, ok? And please feel free to post in Pax at any time, IF you want to (you don't have to, and please don't feel bound to any commitment).

Much love,
Anne

Re: Sorry

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

i apologize if my entry sounded like a rant against anything in particular ~ i certainly did not mean it that way.

thank you for your kind words. i haven't disappeared off the face of the earth ~ i am just trying to do other things.

i promise to return eventually.

bless you ~ !

[geckobird.livejournal.com]

Aww...
You've helped me more than you may realize. Thank you for that! :) You're a real inspiration to me! And I love to hear about your awesome projects! :D

I don't know what I could give you in return (since you are a far more experienced and better writer than me), but I do offer you my appreciation and friendship! Hope all goes well with your revamping. I'll see you around LookingLand, right?

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

awww ~ your joy is my joy ~ !

no worries, i'm still around ~ just trying to get other stuff done. i look forward to reading more about your travels and your fantastical worlds.

: D

[lastremnant.livejournal.com]

Don't leave. :( You better keep doing your online webzines and keeping up lookingland. Come December/January I plan on getting the domain and then planning the online publisher idea. I hope you'll still be onboard. :) After looking at Elieson, I actually thought it would be cool to have a one shot crossover issue with one of my characters (who is being hunted by demons)...lots of ideas. :)

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

joy for your domain ~ !

i am still interested in whatever projects you are working on (and following along with your work. just trying not to spend so much energy talking about working (and rather, do the work!) ~

i am also revamping the online writing that i have ~ trying to redesign for some sense of uniformity ~ and continuing to post new projects.

i am around and you always know where to find me ~

: )