the day's podge of dreamblighted disillusions

[lookingland]

last night i read a little of nellie campobello's Cartucho, which is sadly out of print. but i was just sort of jumping around in her vignettes. i have yet to pick a new book to settle into. nothing that i have on hand is really grabbing my attention at the moment.

read an excerpt from swanson's Manhunt that was published in the Smithsonian. geh. the horror. bad writing, boring depiction of events, presumpive and yet still somehow dull. everything i hate about historical fiction. guess i won't be bothering with that book. mrspadfoot recommends American Brutus as an alternative. i might check it out.

Harrison Ford will be in the Manhunt movie (slated for 2007). that'll be innerestin'.

~ * ~

it's been a much-wasted week on a lot of levels ~ at least writing-wise. you'd think i'd get tired of this age-old conflict with style and structure. maybe it comes from working too much in a vacuum, from focusing too much on the ideas instead of the substance. lately i think about narrative decisions that i've made and i just dunno. am i cutting off my own feet by clinging to a conceptualization that i have a hard time articulating, let alone actually writing?

why do kids who think they're rebelling assume such conformist attitudes and dress among their peers? and kids who want so desperately to fit in are forever reinventing the wheel?

at my age, you'd think i'd've made friends with the fact that i will never do what everyone else is doing. no matter how hard i try, it just never works out. the problem is, i'm so desperate to do whatever everyone else is doing that i don't like my own work no matter what it is because it's not what everyone else is doing even though i don't (obviously) have much interest in what everyone else is doing in the first place. how's that for lame?

didn't i just decide to be in love with my work and write in split first person? didn't i just reconcile that to be my "style"? is it sheer laziness that is causing me to question that now?

i can do this.

i think?

: o p

~ * ~

Old man lyin' by the side of the road
Where the lorries rollin' by
Blue moon sinkin' from the weight of the load
And the buildings scrape the sky
Cold wind rippin' on the valley at dawn
And the morning paper flies
Dead man lyin' by the side of the road
With the daylight in his eyes

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castle's burning
Find someone who's turning
And you will come around

Comments

[scarlite.livejournal.com]

I also heard that American Brutus was very good. Haven't read it yet though. If you pick it up, let me know how it is.

at my age, you'd think i'd've made friends with the fact that i will never do what everyone else is doing. no matter how hard i try, it just never works out. the problem is, i'm so desperate to do whatever everyone else is doing that i don't like my own work no matter what it is because it's not what everyone else is doing even though i don't (obviously) have much interest in what everyone else is doing in the first place. how's that for lame?

Wow, this is what goes through my brain half the time. I always think my stuff could be better if it sounded a little more like other stuff that's out, but at the same time I want to find my own voice. It's a dilemma to be sure. I want to be unique, since most of my stuff is kinda unique. I guess what I'm really looking for in the end though is to have the ability to write like others do, you know actually write and finish a novel for publication, which is what I have problems with.

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

minstrel_ivare also recommended American Brutus. i'll prolly order it next week. maybe.

as to the wanting to do and not doing, sometimes i think we just have to bite the bullet and plow forward without all the judgments if we hope to ever get anything done. i'm going to be stuck rewriting the same book forever if i don't make some decisions and stick to them.

i think discipline is what's lacking ~ always discipline. seems there ought to be a bargain we can strike to say: okay, no assessing until a draft is finished ~ then you can critique all you want. problem is holding to that!

: o p

[scarlite.livejournal.com]

I agree completely! I have an incredibly hard time not critiquing my stuff when I'm writing. That's why Nano was so hard for me cause I always wanted to go back and change this or that. Self discipline is exceedingly hard.

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

at my age, you'd think i'd've made friends with the fact that i will never do what everyone else is doing. no matter how hard i try, it just never works out. the problem is, i'm so desperate to do whatever everyone else is doing that i don't like my own work no matter what it is because it's not what everyone else is doing even though i don't (obviously) have much interest in what everyone else is doing in the first place. how's that for lame?

Huh? LOL....

Seriously, you're fine just as you are. Screw what everybody else is doing. Everybody else isn't Boots. And only you know what's best for you, what works for you and what makes you happy. Forget anybody else. Just be you. You're great.

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

aw, thanks ~

~ maybe the whole thing is: i don't identify myself that closely with my work. i'm me and i'm fine with me. it's the writing that i want to do something else with!

: D

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

'm me and i'm fine with me. it's the writing that i want to do something else with!

Well why not just try something else then? Something that you can identify with?

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

why not?

the same reason people hang glide, invent airplanes, and rockets to the moon ~

: D

[java-fiend.livejournal.com]

Cuz they're crazy? :-)

[lookingland.livejournal.com]

ayup ~ !

: D

[geckobird.livejournal.com]

why do kids who think they're rebelling assume such conformist attitudes and dress among their peers? and kids who want so desperately to fit in are forever reinventing the wheel?

I often wondered that myself.

And you can do it. ^_^ This last bit is beyond sappy (just to warn you): I believe in you! And your characters do too! (no matter how hard to pin down they may act.)

Okay, I'm done now. Really.