lookingland (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lookingland) wrote2008-02-02 08:15 am
lookingland) wrote2008-02-02 08:15 am
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oh, a lot of self-analysis, but also a pretty picture ~
i found the image below while browsing around and though i cannot hope to reproduce it, i want to try to draw something like it for my Prologue (capital P because it's all official or whatnot). The first words on the page will be the strangely ominous assertion: "We are not damned".
the more i poke this thing in the soft pads of its feet, the more i realize it's about me in weird ways and perhaps that's one of the things holding me back: a real lack of honest detachment. because it's about my own personal struggle with faith as much as anything else. which i think is typical for many writers. it's just less obvious to some ~ and certainly less obviously an obstacle.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lastremnant once accused me of never talking about me because all i ever talk about is my writing and my projects. well, welcome to my self-identity (which i fully acknowledge is not entirely a healthy thing, but we all survive in our own ways).
so i readily confess that i am mostly flying by the seat of my pants on this project right now, but i feel my constant caution continues to stand in the way of progress and that i need to take chances. i know i give over to frustration entirely too easy and then i nitpick myself to death and scatter the bits as far as the eye can see. it's no wonder it's always so difficult to recover from such harsh self-treatment.bachsoprano reminded me about trust in undertaking creative journeys and that's critical to me. you have trust your instincts even when you feel you can't trust your skills: you have a desire for a reason. and i know i am most forgiving of the most earnest art. no one ever tells a five-year old that their refrigerator art sucks because it doesn't: it's sheer energy and the love of creating that connects us to our Creator. it doesn't suffer from ego or competitiveness or self-doubt. i feel like i have been trying to find that inner child for twenty years and sometimes i think i manage to get a hold of her, but she never stays. clearly i am not feeding her enough pie.
so this weekend i am eating cheese popcorn, watching A & E's entire Horatio Hornblower series (which i have never seen!), and i am drawing something like the picture above ~ because i have to trust that my invented world is a safe place where i play god and critics are just crickets chirping unintelligibly in darkness.
edit: and there it is, three hours and some change later. i'm posting it in a reduced size, so i dunno if you can read it (i can on my computer, but my resolution is gargantuan here). and yes, there is a typo in there, which i have fixed for the final "draft". it came out a lot darker tone-wise than i intended, and it's certainly not perfect, but i think it's not bad for throwing something together without a cogent plan.
odd thing is, that's it. i mean, that's the prologue. i thought of stretching it over a couple of pages to get a progression of the journey/debris/etc., but since this framework has to stretch out over such a lengthy spell, it almost feels like this is more than sufficient for an opening.
i dunno. i'll kick it around while i go to the bank and run errands.
the more i poke this thing in the soft pads of its feet, the more i realize it's about me in weird ways and perhaps that's one of the things holding me back: a real lack of honest detachment. because it's about my own personal struggle with faith as much as anything else. which i think is typical for many writers. it's just less obvious to some ~ and certainly less obviously an obstacle.
lastremnant once accused me of never talking about me because all i ever talk about is my writing and my projects. well, welcome to my self-identity (which i fully acknowledge is not entirely a healthy thing, but we all survive in our own ways). so i readily confess that i am mostly flying by the seat of my pants on this project right now, but i feel my constant caution continues to stand in the way of progress and that i need to take chances. i know i give over to frustration entirely too easy and then i nitpick myself to death and scatter the bits as far as the eye can see. it's no wonder it's always so difficult to recover from such harsh self-treatment.
bachsoprano reminded me about trust in undertaking creative journeys and that's critical to me. you have trust your instincts even when you feel you can't trust your skills: you have a desire for a reason. and i know i am most forgiving of the most earnest art. no one ever tells a five-year old that their refrigerator art sucks because it doesn't: it's sheer energy and the love of creating that connects us to our Creator. it doesn't suffer from ego or competitiveness or self-doubt. i feel like i have been trying to find that inner child for twenty years and sometimes i think i manage to get a hold of her, but she never stays. clearly i am not feeding her enough pie.so this weekend i am eating cheese popcorn, watching A & E's entire Horatio Hornblower series (which i have never seen!), and i am drawing something like the picture above ~ because i have to trust that my invented world is a safe place where i play god and critics are just crickets chirping unintelligibly in darkness.
edit: and there it is, three hours and some change later. i'm posting it in a reduced size, so i dunno if you can read it (i can on my computer, but my resolution is gargantuan here). and yes, there is a typo in there, which i have fixed for the final "draft". it came out a lot darker tone-wise than i intended, and it's certainly not perfect, but i think it's not bad for throwing something together without a cogent plan.
odd thing is, that's it. i mean, that's the prologue. i thought of stretching it over a couple of pages to get a progression of the journey/debris/etc., but since this framework has to stretch out over such a lengthy spell, it almost feels like this is more than sufficient for an opening.
i dunno. i'll kick it around while i go to the bank and run errands.
no subject
Love the photo, and love what you've done with it.
Regarding trust: it's such a slippery thing. I know that when I just go with whatever it is I'm doing, I'm able to move into that childlike state which for me is absolute bliss. But, that state is so easy broken and I think once it's broken, for whatever reason, it's really hard to find it again. Pie helps, and I guess it's a delicate balance of nurturing that childlike status without indulging it - not that I think you're in danger of that! In fact, I wish many hours of finger-painting with words for you (if such an idea is appealing).
Anyhow, there is my rambling reply of the day.
And how does one make cheese popcorn?
no subject
thank you also for your ramble ~ always.
p.s. cheese corn isn't made, it's born that way. actually, i have no idea. i buy it at Candyland downtown where they make various flavored popcorns. it's very addictive.
: D