lookingland

i keep writing entries and then abandoning them. a long ramble about john jakes, more quibbling about neal stephenson, and a lengthy review of the tv series Firefly. but it was all so critical, i have decided to write about something i really like instead.

i really loved the X-Files because the basic, driving story is not really about aliens and conspiracies. it's a story about the conflict between Mulder's belief (in those aliens and conspiracies), and Scully's faith (her middling Catholicism). during the course of the show, Scully does grow in her faith as she develops a belief in Mulder's craziness. Mulder's journey, too, is toward faith, ultimately, when he comes to realize that just finding the truth and believing it doesn't mean there are answers or solutions. he realizes that he has to have something more.

if you've never seen the show or have any desire to watch it, you may want to skip the quote below; these are the lines that close the final season of the X-files. Mulder and Scully sit on a motel bed (bringing us pretty much full circle to where their [wonderfully platonic] relationship began). they are on the run and the world is doomed. Scully tells Mulder that he found the truth and it didn't bring back his sister or save the world. So now what?

Mulder: I want to believe that the dead are not lost to us. That they speak to us as part of something greater than us, greater than any alien force. And if you and I are powerless now, I want to believe that if we listen to it speak it can give us the power to save ourselves.

Scully: Then we believe the same thing.

Mulder: Maybe there's hope.

There is an emphatic gesture here between the lines in which Mulder touches the small cross around Scully's neck before she speaks. out of context, it maybe feels like a goofy, ham-fisted moment (maybe even in context). but it really did end the show perfectly. nine seasons of sometimes ridiculous plot turns and "back-from-the-dead" scenarios and unkillable super-soldiers, yes. but there was always something more and that was what drew me to it. X-files could be cheap and manipulative like any tv show, but i always felt like it had a bigger heart under all the flash, that it wanted to do something more than just chase little green men.

its Moby Dick leitmotif was always very apt (and probably underappreciated). we are, all of us, chasing our own great white whales.

maybe its the failure to recognize this (or strive for it) that i find lacking in so many other creative works.