why Cold Mountain is just rank ~

10 lame clichés you often see in Civil War fiction:

1.) women in britches and rumpled hair running around in public.

2.) women who can do the job better'n a man (and spit and curse like a sailors too).

3.) sweaty old bad guys who mash on the beautiful heroine.

4.) showing "men of color" fighting for the South.

5.) sensitive book-readin' soldiers spiritually ravaged by war.

6.) creepy pretty-boy sidekick to the bad guy who has some "trick" or gimmick.

7.) young kid not old enough for soldierin' gets it in a bad way.

8.) random act of kindness from a coarse old stranger.

9.) hammered metaphors about crows and flying and death and whatnot.

10.) babies carrying on the memory of dead loved ones (wretch).

pecentage of these clichés found in Ride with the Devil: 20% (we'll allow 5% for the baby in this one since it's not a point of interest dropped on the viewer at the end, and 5% for the creepy sidekick since Pitt doesn't actually have a specific gimmick)

percentage of these clichés found in Cold Mountain: 100%

it also gets plus percentage for gratuitous "everybody who is not the hero is just a pig and needs to die" scenes (i.e. random rape, murder, and depredation).

watching these films back to back, the differences are especially striking.

i wonder, if Cold Mountain had been more appropriately cast (nicole kidman is just all sorts of wrong wrong wrong for it), whether i might have been more forgiving. it has some nice bits here and there ~ but gad, the story is just stupid. frazier is a wonderful craftsman with words ~ but he's a lousy storyteller.

anyway, random thoughts this evening.

: D



minghella's beautiful directorial work
and gorgeous cinematography wasted
on a lame pack of clichés

how Glory measures up ~

by comparison (see previous post), Glory ranks at 5% in lame clichés (for the seagulls on the beach before the attack on Fort Wagner) ~

~ it's a very very minor infraction, however. I almost wasn't even going to count against it, but in fairness, I will.

it even avoids some of the real standbys (like the young kid getting snuffed pathos, which is almost required in war movies!).

it might get a few percentage points (3 at most) for a bit of gratuitous white-swinery (the irredeemably bad authority-type who just behaves maliciously). but then, it is a movie about racial conflict, so you gotta expect it ~ AND it gets points for redeeming the solider i've always referred to as "Augie" (no clue why) who is played by the screenwriter Kevin Jarre (he has the "Stripes on a nigger. It's like tits on a bull," line.

: D